he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
