we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
