My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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