I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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