All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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