somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
