and my herpes radar will keep us safe
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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