I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
