the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I checked into jail on foursquare
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
