DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
