i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Little spoons don't ask big questions
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
