is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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