roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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