tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
