the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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