At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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