i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
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We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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