I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
