I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
