That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
