you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
