What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
