on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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