I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
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