The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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