Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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