i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
