anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
