I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
