just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
