i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I forget how to act sober
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
