even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
