it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
