In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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