we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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