dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
