If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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