Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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