Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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