For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
