i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
