when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
