real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
