never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
