The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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