ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
