to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
