Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
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I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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