the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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