Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
