We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
