Do you still have your period?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
