dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
