i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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