WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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