Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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