if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
