I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
