I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize