There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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