I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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