I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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