You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
