Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
