i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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