You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
