I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Someone came in the potted fern
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
