Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
dude. I can hear the air.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
